Well, it says I like to tell you the truth about what I think about all sorts of things. And I'm getting ready to spill the beans, people. Be prepared. I'm going to lay it all out there about running. And if you don't care about running, then I suppose you can move on to your other favorite blog now. ;) wink wink.
I have been running for about 3 years now. In fact as I cleaned out my closet yesterday (another post, soon to come), I pulled down all the bibs I've been collecting on a pin board in my closet. I decided to take some stock of this sport I've voluntarily joined.
Turns out, I've been running a lot. I ran 5 races in 2010, 7 races in 2011, and 11 races in 2012. Included in that 11 were three half marathons. All of which did a number on my body and my mind. In completing that last one (No Limits in the Texas Motor Speedway, October 2012), I lost it. I literally lost the joy in running. I was tired. Emotionally, physically. I was sick of running for a purpose. I didn't want to train anymore. I just wanted to RUN FOR FUN. I was officially BURNED OUT.
The course was hillier than you would imagine for a flat track. And the farther I went, the more I hurt. The cold temps didn't help. And the pain in my right hip was not getting better. So by the time I rounded the corner and descended into the Motor Speedway, knowing I still had three miles to cover in that small space, weaving and bobbing through the infield, I was DONE. My body was ready to give up. And my brain began telling me things like: Kim, why are you so tired? Why are you so slow today? Brenda is going to beat you. Again. Why can't you pull it together??
And then all of the "tricks" I normally used to psyche myself up failed. I stopped praying for legs that wouldn't grow weary and I started asking Jesus to walk with me, because I was finished running. Not just in this race. Just finished.
That is when the questions started flying in my brain: WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU ARE TOO OLD FOR THIS. YOUR BODY IS NOT MEANT FOR LONG DISTANCES. YOU WILL NEVER GET ANY FASTER. THIS ISN'T EVEN FUN ANYMORE, SO WHO ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE YOURSELF TO, KIM??
So when I crossed that finish line, I was sad. I was angry at myself. It was my worst time yet. Ten full minutes slower than my first half marathon six months earlier. And like a dream, my joy in running floated away that day quietly rising and vaporizing in the cold Texas sky.
Let me show you that race in pictures. You'll get an idea of how that day went.
BUT! Here's something that made me happy that weekend! Central Market! I LOVE CENTRAL MARKET!
So here's what I want you to know about this event in my life. I stopped running. Not completely, but one run a week is not what I consider consistent. However, there is light at the end of the tunnel! Starting January 1st, I am going to start again. It's my New Year's Resolution. I'm joining a gym, because cross training is the one thing I honestly never did and I believe it's part of the cause of my slower times. I'm also changing my diet, including starting a new product called Zeal. And I'm getting back in the running game. I'm putting the HAPPY back in running! And I am counting on 2013 to be my banner year for running. Because even if I gave up on running, it never gave up on me.
the ornament I had made to celebrate my first three half marathons.