This is 40.

It's no secret I'd been dreading the big 4-0 for weeks. I spent a lot of time wondering about it, too. Why do I care? Why is this worse than 30? Am I really upset or am I creating a bad attitude?

The answers came slowly. And they were a combination of many factors.

1. When I envisioned my life as a teenager, I always looked forward to skipping ahead to my 30's. Being married, having kids, living the dream. NEVER ONCE did I imagine myself in my 40's. Never once. So here I was, passing on the decade that spoke to my childhood dreams. So then what? What's to come of my life in my 40's? Hopefully the best yet.

2. It dawned on me a few weeks ago that it has been a decade since I bore a child from my womb. If that doesn't make you feel old, I don't know what could.

3. And this should probably have been #1: My sister, who I had famously surprised in the middle of the night on her 40th birthday, half a country away in California, was not coming. My bigger, older, wiser sister, who is my biffle, had her husband's 50th birthday this year, along with her first born graduating, and then a 20th anniversary with previously mentioned 50 year old hubby. There was no way she could come. It just wasn't possible with all they had going on. Sniff sniff.

And then the most amazing thing happened...



There she was! In my house! On my couch! And I did the ugly cry. The kind you don't want on film, but they took it anyway. And suddenly 40 didn't seem so bad. In fact, 40 seemed pretty amazing.

So here I am. 40 years and 1 day. Livin' the dream.

I'll show you the party soon. It was awesome.